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Step 8 - Supportive Closing

Telling someone their behavior must change, but also letting them know that they, as a person, are valued and respected makes accepting the behavior change much easier to take.  

Keep in mind, the person just helped you come up with a plan and has acknowledged the behavior, and possible consequences if they don’t follow through with their plan, so give them the respect deserved in helping you, and acknowledge that this is about the behavior and not them, as well as tell them something that you do appreciate about them.  

Do you recall the officer in the opening vignette of this book?  After the officer explains the warning citation he says, “Thank you for being so cooperative, if this is the worst thing you ever do, then I need to know a lot more people like you, take care, and drive safe.” 

The officer focused on the person in a supportive closing statement and appreciated the person for being law-abiding.  His closing statement sent the message that the traffic stop was about the driving behavior and not about the driver.  Likewise, he showed the person respect and value, which as we’ve learned already is how all people want to be treated.

Make your closing statement a supportive statement towards the person, as an example: “Chris, I know we’ve just talked about being late, but I also want to acknowledge and thank you for the work that you do.  Your work product is very high quality.”

Leave them with a good “taste in their mouth,” with a supportive (of the person) closing.  This should be something you have already planned out or thought about prior to the meeting.  You should also practice saying it so that it feels natural when you do say it to the person.   After you have finished with the review and supportive closing, the only thing left to do is wait for the behavior to change.  For this you move to the next step, “Carry On.”

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