Step 3 - Get Their Perspective

This is one of the most important steps, but most performance counselors forget to do it. “We are the bosses, so they should just listen to us…” NOT! Once you have told them what and why you are discussing the performance behavior, let them have their say. This is not disciplinary, so let the employee give you their perceptions and explain their behavior. They may have a great reason that you are not aware of. This is the time to do more listening than talking.
Use these “Active Listening” skills:
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CONCENTRATE ON WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING.
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Look at them when they are talking
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Avoid having other distractions (T.V., computer, phone, etc.)
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Use appropriate proximity
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Don’t put things between you
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By concentrating on them and not being distracted by other things, you’ll have a better understanding of their perception and looking at them (in Western culture) shows that you are interested in them and this is frequently perceived that you really care about them.
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SEND THE NONVERBAL MESSAGE THAT YOU ARE LISTENING
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Use non-verbal messages to show you understand
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Nodding head, facial expressions, and appropriate gestures.
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Use verbal messages to show you understand
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“Uh-huh, Yes, wow, really, interesting, no-kidding?
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Remember the majority of our communication (93%) is non-verbal with only 7% being the words themselves, so make sure you are aware of your non-verbal messages.
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AVOID EARLY EVALUATIONS
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What filters are you using?
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What bias do you already have before listening?
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Do you have all the information?
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Let them tell the whole story
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A communication filter is based on internal condition. Just like a camera filter, communication filters alter the original message somehow. Communication filter can be such internal conditions as primary language, word comprehension, type of communication medium used, intelligence level, personalities, biases, preconceived views of the sender/receiver, etc. Both sender and receiver have filters during sending and receiving the intended message
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AVOID GETTING DEFENSIVE
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Listen to the whole story first.
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Be open to the “other side” of the situation/story
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Understand that you may be wrong!
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You’ve heard the saying, “there are two sides to every story,” and wouldn’t it be more supportive and show value and respect to the counselee to at least learn what their “side of the story” is before making some kind of decision about whether they were right or wrong? Heck, what if they just found a new way of doing things?
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PRACTICE PARAPHRASING
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“What I’m hearing you say is…”
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“What I think you mean is…”
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“What my perception of what you're saying is…”
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“What I get from all this is…”
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Paraphrasing is one of the most effective tools you have in communication. By repeating back the essence of the message (not word-for-word repetition), it allows the other person to clarify the meaning if you did not receive it correctly. It also verifies to the other person that the message was received and understood.
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LISTEN (AND OBSERVE) FOR FEELINGS
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Watch the eyes and face for reactions
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Watch the body language
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Look for “micro-expressions”
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Listen for tone of voice, cracking, hesitations, “flubs”
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Listen for subconscious meaning or “Freudian Slips”
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More non-verbal stuff here, but this time it may be subtler and give a better understanding of the subconscious intentions or feelings associated with the behavior, especially with subconscious defiant behavior.
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ASK QUESTIONS
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Ask clarifying questions
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Ask for additional information if needed
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Ask what actions should be taken (Leads to further action)
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Performance counseling is about changing the behavior through the communication of performance expectations and understanding of acceptable performance behavior. Without the ability to ask questions, how would we ever be able to clear up misperceptions and misunderstanding, or better understand what we are supposed to and not supposed to do?
Step 3 addresses the usual failure of: Failure to focus on creating a supportive climate for the performance counseling and fail to focus on creating an effective behavior redirection action plan with input and effort from the follower as well as the leader.